Just got back from The Invasion— it actually wasn’t nearly as bad as critics are saying. Though one thing I did notice though — Nicole Kidman can only act under highly tense situations. When she is supposed to act like a normal person would, like during a conversation. she seems more like the zombie-like people then themselves!!
See my full review coming tomorrow!!
Please tell me — can help out with future reviews, full with pictures and video clips!! I am sometimes the first to get video clips up on Youtube regarding exploitation and cult movies!!
What movie should I review next? I have plenty of movies, and I have the capacity to get pretty much any DVD, so start naming some good ones. Even if I haven’t seen it, I’ll just pop it in, and watch it!!
ex. Troma movies, “of the Dead” series, Herschell Gordon Lewis films, Zombi series, any movie!! (even films that are so bad… they’re horrible!!)
THANKS!!
When you think of Peter Jackson, don’t you picture that ugly overweight Lord of the Rings director with the huge ass glasses? Well before he helped create that movie trilogy full of tiny little little Irish fags and pointy eared flamers, he was known for his know lesser known low-budget exploitation films. One of these films was the ever-so-bloody Braindead, created in 1993 with a mere budget of 3 million dollars (all my fellow North American earthlings might know the film as Dead Alive). Now, although you gotta love those two hobbits and their quest to destroy the anal ring in the Brokeback Mountain of Doom, somehow watching deteriorating zombies fucking just takes the cake. You got to give it up for Peter Jackson, while he did make it to Hollywood, but along the way gave us one hell of a bloody good time! For all you “blood-o-maniacs” out there, this will definitely not only quench your thirst for that red stuff, but drown you with it also!!
9/10
The first scene of the movie takes place in fictional Skull Island, where two men, one New Zealander, and the other Jamaican are seen carrying
a crate along a narrow path in a rocky landscape. When ever you see a grumpy guy with an English accent ordering around anyone with a darker complexion than himself, you know that things aren’t going to come out well. You find out that the item within the crate is a monkey, and it is very valuable, and very dangerous. An angry cannibal looking tribe try to prevent them from leaving the area, but the two run away and hop into their Jeep. Unfortunately, the irate New Zealender gets bit by the little bugger. Fortunately, we have the first limb-chopping off scene in the movie. Hip hip, HOORAY!!
The monkey is shipped to the Wellington Zoo in New Zealand, the country in which our movie takes place. We are now introduced to Paquita,
who works in a small convenience store with her old psychic mother.With the use of tarot cards, her mother reads her future, in which Paquita, will meet a man in the near future, and she will become romantically entangled with him almost immediately. she also explains to her that he will recognize the man “by the symbol of the star”. That man, our protagonist, Lionel, happens to walk into the store right at that time (is it just me or does he look a bit like David Duchovny?) He seems like a clumsy and a bit socially inept for a man of his age, but anyway, he drops off an order for his mother back at home. While trying to get black licorice out of a box, he happens to knock down a container of pens. What other shape would they fall down into but the shape of a star.
Paquita stares at him with great interest, which freaks Lionel out. He walks out of the store, while she follows, and Lionel almost gets clobbered by a bus! He gets home, and we meet Lionel’s horrid old mother, Vera, and she bosses Lionel around like no tomorrow. Vera tells her son that
she was voted to become treasurer for the Wellington Ladies Welfare League, and that the president of the organization will be stopping by. Vera turns out to be one hell of a bitchy mother, and she orders Lionel around some more to get ready for the president’s visit on Friday. His lawnmower stops working, when all of the sudden a dog jumps over the fence and starts licking Lionel. Paquita comes and delivers the order that he had placed earlier, and Lionel finds it odd since her brother usually is the one that delivers the orders. Paquita definitely is interested in him, as she checks out his butt. He notices, and she pretends like she was admiring the huge mansion of a house in which Lionel and his mother live.
Somehow, while Lionel was explaining what a “zoo” was to Paquita, a date was set between the two to go to the Wellington Zoo during the next day. Lionel dresses up like a true English gentleman for the date, while Paquita looks like she jumped out of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. you find out that he happens to be afraid of water, the cause of him nearly drowning when he was young. When his father got him out of the water, Lionel’s dad was brought out by a riptide, and he drowned.
The two run over to the monkey cages, and Paquita quickly pecks him on the lips. When the two kiss, one of the monkeys throw an apple at them. They then witness the “Simian Raticus- Rat Monkey Sumatra” (yes, the one from the beginning!) beat up one of the monkeys for the apple, and yes, this is one fucking ugly claymation rat-monkey hybrid. The Simian Raticus grabs the monkey through the wired fence, and tears off one of it’s limbs, and starts chompin’ away. “POOR LITTLE BUGGA!” A zoo worker comes over and explains the story of the rat monkey, in which giant rats came off a slave ship which had sailed to Skull Island, and they raped every single one of the monkeys on the island.
Lionel’s mother happens to be spying on them while the two are at the zoo. She is behind a bush by the monkey cages looking on at the newly lovers, when she slips on a banana peel and falls up against the cage. The feisty little spider monkey bites her right in her arm, and she screams
like a mother-fucker. Vera steps on the monkey with the bottom side of her heel, and crushes the poor little experiment from God that had gone wrong. Lionel recognized his mother’s scream, and comes running over to find out that she was bitten. Paquita comes over to help, but Vera pushes her away. She evidently has a creepy problem with Paquita, one of probable envy and jealousy. Lionel had to cut his date short and take his mother home, and a nurse comes to the house to check out her arm.
Vera is angry with him going out with that “oily shopgirl”, who she thinks is “experienced”. She tells Lionel that he deliberately upset her, and 
he promised that it wouldn’t happen again. Man, thank God this old hag was bitten. At night, Lionel tucks her mother into bed, and if there was an entry for “mama’s boy” in an encyclopedia, you would likely find a portrait of Lionel right next to it. While he is getting ready for bed, you hear Paquita calling out for him, right outside his house. She is yelling a little too loudly for that late at night, and Lionel shushes her. She has his jacket, and Lionel points at the ladder that leads up to his room, so she could climb up.
Lionel explains to Paquita that he can’t see her anymore, but before she could leave, Lionel walks up to her and starts making out with her.
They then have some “sexy time” on his bed, while his mother is moaning on her bed, evidently from the bite. She gushes out some nasty pink looking fluid from the wound. While this is going on, Paquita’s mother is again reading the tarot card to see more of the details surrounding her future. What she sees is not swell whatsoever; each card reads: oppression, failure, debauch, defeat, sorrow, and DEATH. Well isn’t that just peachy!!
In the morning, Lionel walks into his mother’s room to find her in a worsened state than when he previously saw her. Not only did the wound look absolutely revolting, but she seemed to be in quite a bit of discomfort. Norah Madison, the president
of the WLWL, happens to stop by right at that moment. Lionel lets her and her husband into the house, and Vera (looking a lot like Sara from Requiem for a Dream) frantically gets dressed and puts on makeup in her almost meth induced way of doing so. While she is working on her face, a large portion of skin on her face rips off. Lionel glues it back in with liquid glue (absolutly HILARIOUS)! While the four are eating in the dining room, Vera is struggling to eat, as she is shaking and can barely lift the utensils or even speak in any recognizable fashion. While she is trying to make out a sentence, the husband bangs the table and yells out in an awesome yet campy manner,
“WHAT WE NEED IS ANOTHER WAR!”
All of the sudden, Vera grabs a hunk Lionel’s roast beef and starts wildly eating it like some rabid lion. He goes out and brings some custard for desert, and Vera’s wound squirts out some of the nasty pink goo, which happens to land in the husband’s pudding. He eats it with no problem. Once they leave, Paquita rushes over to tell him that dark forces are out to get him. Her dog goes upstairs and attacks Lionel’s mother, but SHE EATS THE DOG!!
Lionel pulls the dead dog out of her throat, and here we have another notable quote!!
Vera: Your mother ate my dog!!
Lionel: Not all of it!
Vera pushes her son aside and attacks Paquita, but Lionel blitzes her, and the two fall down the steps. The nurse stops by once again, but before the ambulance could arrive, Vera DIES! This is an exploitation movie, DO YOU THINK SHE STAYS DEAD FOR LONG? HELL NO!! Vera, now a zombie, gets up behind the nurse and rips her God-damned head right off! She then starts to attack her son, while Paquita is upstairs is upstairs in the bathroom. Now the nurse gets up in full zombie mode, and both go after Lionel. He pushes the two zombies into the cellar, and tries to distract Paquita from the all the noise in the cellar.
Lionel visits a crazy Latvian doctor to buy some sedatives, and he hands over a wad of dough to him, which he grabs with a big set of clamps. 
The doctor hands him a big glass bottle of “TRANQUILIZER”, and gives him a syringe with it. Lionel walks into the basement, wearing full body armor, and using a trash can lid as a shield. He is jumped by the both of the zombies, and sticks the needle into the eye of the nurse, and the nose of his mother! The next day, he visits Paquita at the convenience store to learn about the ‘dark forces’. Paquita’s mother tells him that he is marked, and gives him a pendant of a star to protect him. Lionel doesn’t admit to his mother now being a zombie, but before you know it, Vara crashes through the window, and he tranquilizes her.
The next day is the funeral, and we meet Vera’s brother, a schmuck that keeps on talking to Paquita and keeps on checking her out. Lionel and
his mother have a full out battle between the two of them, since she had awoken once again. The two burst through the church’s doors, right in the middle of the service. Everyone is shocked at what they had just witnessed, except of course for Lionel’s Uncle Les, who is laughing. At night, Lionel visits his mother’s grave, when he is attacked by a group of smack-talkin’ guys, who kick the shit out of him. The leader of the gang takes a piss on Vera’s grave, when she bursts through the ground and literally grabs him by the balls! Vera kills two of the men while the other two run away, and they eventually turn right into zombies. The priest is wondering what the noise is all about, so he runs over to Lionel.
The two zombies go after our hero, and the priest comes in, ready to kick some fuckin ass!!
Notable Quote:
Priest: Stand back boy, this calls for DIVINE INTERVENTION!
The priest starts fighting the two zombies, and we already have another quote.
Priest: I KICK ASS FOR THE LORD!
Even though the priest does kick some major ass, he gets his due when he falls on top of a zombie hand, and it penetrates right through him!
So the next day, you see that Lionel now has four zombies in the house, and he acts just like they are a part of the family. Problem is, I don’t
think in a normal family the head of household would put tranquilizer into everyone’s breakfast. While the four zombies are eating their zombie breakfast, Uncle Les pays a visit to him. While he is asking Lionel about whether or not he is included in a will, you hear zombies doing the nasty in the dining room. Les passes it off as a porno that he was playing, and he walks out of the door and leaves. Lionel walks in the kitchen to see the ZOMBIE PRIEST HAMMERING AWAY INTO THE ZOMBIE NURSE!! He breaks the two apart, and goes out to get more tranquilizer.
Paquita sees him walking down the street, and Lionel looks in very bad shape; he looks like he hasn’t got an ounce of sleep in days. I sure 
wouldn’t blame him if that was the case. Lionel breaks up with Paquita, and she walks towards the store, crying. He runs to her, probably thinking that the move was a mistake, when the KIWI delivery man goes up to him and knocks him out. Lionel walks back to his house and enters the basement, where he finds the strangest little zombie baby you had ever seen. Man, those zombies must go through the processes quickly! Not only cumming, but conception, the three trimesters, and birth!
For some reason Lionel decides to take care of the baby, and trust me; this thing is one ugly son-of-a-bitch! Lionel sees Paquita and the delivery
man together in the park, and there still seems to be some connection between the two of them. He walks back to his
house once again, only to find his Uncle Les in the basement. He sees the zombies, but doesn’t seem too freak out by them. Instead, he sets up a party for later in the day, and a whole lot of people show up! The punk zombie gets out of the basement and starts to get pretty rough with one of the guests. That is when Paquita decides to show up, and she gets harrassed by Les, so she walks into the basement to find Lionel along with the undead. She convinces him to give the zombies a large dose of the sedative to them, and afterwards bury the bodies.
Les is now very drunk and he pushes Paquita around, and throws Lionel into the basement. The zombies turn out to be anything but dead, and they break out of the basement.
THIS IS WHERE THE REAL FUN BEGINS!!!
Each of the zombies create a havoc of what looked like a fun party, and start gnawing on most of the guests. There are now
tons of zombies everywhere, and Lionel, Paquita, with a few of the guests have to protect themselves from the zombie horde just waiting to turn them into their own. Blood is starting to get EVERYWHERE, and Lionel has a Scooby-Doo run moment when he is trying to run, but can’t because of the blood on the floor beneath him.
If you have seen gore before, like maybe if you came out of the new crappy remake of Dawn of the Dead and was surprised at how much blood they had in the movie, than feast your eyes on this scene! There is nothing like
having a boat load of zombies after you, while you have a lawnmower ready to mow them down! There is pretty much nothing left in the house that isn’t covered with blood, and Lionel with Paquita are the only survivors. The zombie Vera bursts through the floors, as she has become incredibly powerful not to mention huge. The battle between Lionel and his mother is very grotesque, and the only way to know what happens during that scene is to see it for yourself!
Once the giant Vera zombie monster is destroyed, Paquita and Lionel walk away, soaked in the pink stuff that is called blood in this film. They are now a couple once again; the two kiss, while the firefighters do there job and put out any fire from the massive zombie fight that had just taken place. Credits roll, so in that case, it is
THE END!
I am not going to outright tell you the name of the next movie I am going to review….
but here is a HINT!!
Sorry, Dad, but I broke the lawnmower last night while
chopping up a whole bunch of fuckin’ zombies!!
When I watch a movie, I usually have the problem of setting my expectations to high. When the credits roll, I leave the theater, or my couch, feeling disappointed and cheated of the time that could have been spent elsewhere (or just watching a different movie!). So when I sat down to watch The Toxic Avenger, I made sure I didn’t set my expectation up too high, but even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. When the film ended, I actually felt like it was the best $20 I had ever spent on a DVD. Not only does the Lloyd Kaufman, writer/director of The Toxic Avenger and President of Troma Entertainment give a very funny and welcoming introduction to the film, but the film itself actually leaves me wanting more every single time I have watched it. The movie involves around a geeky janitor named Melvin, who happens to just full out of a window, into a barrel of very potent toxic waste. This accident turns Melvin, who previously couldn’t go a day without being harassed by the members of the gym, into New Jersey’s only superhero, the Toxic Avenger. I recommend this movie to anyone who loves cult cinema, and just movies in general. I commend you, President Kaufman, for creating one of the most excellent cult movies ever made!!
10/10
LLOYD KAUFMAN - THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE HORNY OLD BASTARD
The film begins with narrator, explaining that the story takes place in the fictional town of Tromaville “The Toxic Capital of the World” located in New Jersey. The narrator sets out with a strong anti-pollution message that really gets shoved right up your toxic shit-hole. Now we see Melvin, and I swear to God that by the looks of him, he had kids that went to my school. He looks like the nerdiest of nerds; scruffy hair, bad clothing, and a constant goofy smile. He is cleaning the floor of the “Tromaville Health Club” with his mop, while buff men and big-chested blond women work out. One thing is for sure, this is DEFINITELY an 80’s movie.
Next we are introduced to four of the antagonists, Bozo, Julie, Slug, and Wanda. They are in the hot tub of the gym, when they see Melvin, and start to say nasty things about him behind his back. Bozo seems out of his mind, and he has a big freak-out moment when Melvin accidentally dips his mop in the tub. Julie, Bozo’s girlfriend has the qualities of a dumb blond and looks like she came right out of an 1980’s Playboy magazine. Slug is a genuine tough guy, and his girlfriend Wanda seems to have an exact personality with him. Oh, by the way, did I mention the catchy 80’s music playing during the whole gym sequence? “Hot sweat runnin’ down your face, muscles workin’ overtime!” Yes! GOTTA LOVE IT. “Body talk, body talk. I love the sound of your body talk!!”
Slug and Wanda have the locker room all to themselves, and we find out that Bozo together with Slug are two psychopathic hit-and-run drivers.
He seems to get his kicks out of running people down, and his girlfriend wants to come along when he decides to run down some more. So anyway, we know have a little sex scene with the two, and Wanda is topless. Remember, you need to expect some rammin’ when you are watching cult cinema, but this has nothing too explicit, though. Although Slug paid the manager of the gym to have the locker room all to themselves, who else but Melvin walks in and sees Slug hammering away. When they notice Melvin watching, Wanda threatens to kill him, holding out her switchblade. He runs the hell away, screaming in his unique and bizarre fashion.
Next we have the hit-and-run scene, and the four are all in the car, with Bozo driving. He se like he is hopped up on a combination of coke, meth, pep pills, and whatever else you kids are doing nowadays. Julie reminds Bozo of the point system where—
“
Jews = 25
Wops = 25
Niggers = 25
Chinks = 25
Puerto Ricans = 30
Kids under 12 = DOUBLE POINTS!! ”
They see an innocent little kid riding his bicycle on the street, and since a kid on a bike is worth twenty-eight points, they just had to run over
the kid. I mean how in your right mind could you see a kid on a bike, and NOT RUN HIM OVER? I mean come on, the equation for any situation, is Car + See Kid on Bike = RUN HIM DOWN!! They run the kid right over, but since he was still crawling on the street, they proceeded to run the kid over again, but this time, completely crushing his head. This is the infamous “Head Crushing Scene”, that was cut out of all theater and video releases, until a few years ago, when it was put back into the film. COOL!!
Back at the gym, the whole gang set up a whole plan to fuck with Melvin. It starts out with Julie seducing Melvin, and asking him to help her out with a “problem”, by meeting her in the girl’s locker room later in the day. He meets her there, and she is looking super-hot, wearing a totally skimpy bikini. She wants Melvin to meet her once again, but this time at the pool, where she promises him some sex, and even, as a “down 
payment”, takes off her bikini top, and shows off her sweet sweet tan lines. The suspicious catch is, though, that he must wear a pink-tutu to the pool if he wants to get anything. He puts on the full outfit and walks to the pool with a real confident step, and it is completely dark in the pool room. He goes up and kisses what he thinks is Julie, but when the lights are turned on, it actually turns out to be a sheep in drag. Everyone is in the pool room now laughing at poor Melvin, and he runs out of the room and crashes through a window. Coincidently, a toxic waste truck is parked right outside the gym, and he lands right into one of the barrels head-first.
When he gets out of the barrel, he is seen with chemical burns across his whole body. He rolls on the ground screaming in pain, with everyone watching nearby. The burns across his body increase in severity, and eventually,
Melvin spontaneously bursts into flames. DOES HE DIE? HELL NO!! He manages to get to his home, where he continues to scream in pain, but here is where the transformation begins, into the greatest superhero in New Jersey, and even, the universe!! His mother is outside the bathroom door, wondering what all the ruckus is about. She blows it off though, and thinks that her “Little Melvin finally reached puberty!”. And now, ladies and gentlemen, who we knew as Melvin is now—
THE TOXIC AVENGER!!
Now our little “Melvin” is ready to kick EVERY EVIL MOTHER FUCKING ASS ON THE PLANET!! “Toxie” rips, throws, and punches a group
of tough guys (and one transvestite/transsexual), which in turn kills all but one of those bad-asses. Once they are taken care of, word is spread of the toxic super-hero that saved a police officer from getting his balls blown off. Toxie tries to get into his house, but since his mother cannot recognize him, he is denied entry, so he must find a new place to live. Where, you ask? Well where else but the local waste dump!! Well, since Toxie must now defend Tromaville from evil-doers, he stops a robbery that was taking place at a local fast-food joint. That is where he meets a lovely blond, and thankfully, blind girl, who in short time, becomes his girlfriend.
There is a junkie selling heroin at the hellhole Melvin used to call work, so he must be destroyed. He walks into the
weight room and opens a can of whoop-ass on the guy. Now, do you think the Toxic Avenger is just going to forgive those four fucks that did this to him? HELL NO!! Our hero Toxie, now walks to the sauna, to first take care of Slug’s bitch, Wanda. It is now night, and she has the sauna all to her self, and she decides to “take care of business” and masturbate right then and there. While in mid-session, Toxie walks into the sauna grabs her, places her on the sauna heater, and burns her fuckin’ ass.
Toxie and his steady girlfriend Sarah get busy when he gets to his toxic home, where they proceed to show us Melvin’s
loss of virginity, and one of the most interesting, although short, love scenes in entertainment history. The next day, Toxie travels back to the gym to do what Julie had coming to her for a long time. Although she manages to avoid him for a while, Toxie eventually gets her cornered, and uses scissors the way the should be used. For stabbing!! Elsewhere, we see Bozo and Slug beating an old lady and stealing her car, but this time, the Toxic Avenger is here to save the day! Toxie certainly takes out his revenge on the two who deserved it most, as he kills both of the no-good hounds.
The evil and tremendously fat mayor of Tromaville is know out for the Toxic Avenger, and because of an incident in 
Toxie and a dry-cleaning lady, he puts the entire police force after to kill our hero! The town is up in arms that the mayor has taken this course of action, so they decide to take an action of their own. Kids jumped out in front of Toxie before not only the police, but the military, could shoot him. The mayor orders them to fire, but the police officer that Toxie saved before refused, which caused others to do the same. The mayor shoots at him, yet the bullets seem to do no harm. Toxie walks over to the mayor, and proceeds to RIP HIS INTESTINES OUT OF HIS BODY!! The town cheers and jumps up and down, as every citizen of Tromaville seems to be in love with our favorite hero–
When I met Herschell Gordon Lewis at the Chiller Theater convention in 2005, I was astounded that I didn’t people bowing down to him, scantily clad women cooling him down with giant leaves, and a jester entertaining him at his every whim. For he is the master, the “Godfather of Gore”. Imagine the world today without She-Devils on Wheels, Scum of the Earth, and the subject of this review, BLOOD FEAST! This movie stars Mal Arnold as a crazy Egyptian cultist, who happens to be the owner of a culinary service. He doesn’t serve beef or chicken, as he makes all of his gourmet meals with the sweet flesh of young women that he had gruesomely murdered. Like any exploitation film, the dialogue is corny, the acting cheap (Scott Hall reads the lines off his hands during one scene), and the special effects are for the most part, atrocious. There is barely any recognizable plot, and absolutely no character development. This is the story of Blood Feast, one of the “greatest” cult films that has graced us with it’s presence.
The film starts out with a women getting ready to take a bath, when she turns on the radio. The radio announcer warns all the women in the audience to stay indoors, because there was another young woman found murdered and horribly mutilated. She takes her bath, and she has some interesting reading material, called “Ancient Weird Religious Rites”. Sounds a lot more intriguing than the Harry Potter series!!
The Ultimate Bathroom Book
Before you know it, we are introduced to Fuad Ramses, who looks like a child-molester, and he comes in and murders the bathing broad. This scene has the most horrible editing I think I have ever seen in a movie, and the blood looks nothing like it and looks everything like just red paint. Fuad dismembers the woman’s leg, and places the limb in a very discreet bright blue bag. Now we are in the Homicide Bureau, were we meet two new characters: Detective Pete Thornton, and Frank, the police captain. This is the only movie I have ever seen in which the first dialogue scene has one of the actors reading his lines off his hand! Yes, Scott Hall (who plays Frank) has to READ THE LINES OFF HIS HAND! Imagine this guy in Pulp Fiction!! Let’s see him try to remember Ezekiel 25:17, that would be torture for both him and the audience!!
Well anyway, Frank goes on about how there was not a single clue at each of the crime scenes. Now we are brought to the psycho killers shop, “Faud Ramses Exotic Catering”. Faud is taking orders at the counter of the shop, and a woman walks in to place an order, whose name is Dorothy Fremont. She places an order for a dinner party, and she wants something “unusual and totally different”. Well, he’ll have no problem with that order, Mrs. Fremont! More horribly funny dialogue, and the sound editors try to add in creepy organ tones, which just don’t seem to have any sort of effect on the scene whatsoever. Faud will create an Egyptian feast, in which he says hasn’t been made in over 5000 years. After seeming to hypnotize Mrs. Fremont, she places the order and leaves the premises.
CHECK OUTZ MY EYEBROWZ GUYZ
Faud walks to the back of his store, where he keeps a shrine of his Egyptian goddess. It is also the place where he slice and dices the females that he slaughters. During the night, we now see a young couple making out on a beach. The character Tony in this scene is one heck of an actor, and he has a voice that is as irritating as scraping nails across a chalkboard. UH OH!! That horrible music that just started playing must mean… must mean…. that BITCH IS GONNA DIE!!! Fuad kills the sweet couple with his machete/butcher’s knife hybrid. They sure didn’t last very long! He gets some “meat” from the girl before he leaves, and once again, places it inside that blue bag. Fortunately, Tony survives the murder attempt, and when the police show up, he cries hysterically. If I was a cop though, I would definitely think he was the one that killed the bitch, and lock him up in jail right then and there.
YUMMY!!
The police question the parents of the girl that was killed, and they are really, “upset” over her death. I hear those drum beats again, so Fuad must be close to his next victim! Sorry, woman, but Fuad here wants your tongue, and he is not leaving without it. He rips the tongue out, and here we have the best special effect in the movie, because the tongue actually looks real. Detective Pete goes to an Egyptian seminar with Mrs. Fremont’s daughter, Suzette. Coincidentally, they talk about the ancient “Blood Feast” or “Feast of Ishtar” that occurred during the ancient Egyptian times. While the professor is speaking of the ritual, a scene is shown that shows what the Feast of Ishtar looked like — and apparently it looks a lot like a cheap porno. After the seminar, Pete and Suzette make out by a lake, but is interrupted by the radio to bring them news about another murder.
WHEN YOU SAY KEEP YOUR SNAKE IN THE CAGE, I DIDN’T TAKE IT LITERALLY!!
The detective travels around to investigate and, if he can, find any clues that can provide information of who the killer is. Later in the day, Fuad tries to go after Suzette, but doesn’t succeed. Instead, he just kidnaps one of her friends while on her way from the public pool. Back n his store, Fuad ties up Suzette’s friend and whips her. Eventually, she dies, while this is going on, Pete figures out part of the mystery of the murders. He is suspicious of Fuad Ramsey, and thinks that he might be the killer. The cops drive to Fuad’s catering shop, but he leaves before the cops arrive. Pete and the other police officer walk into the back room of the store, and they see the bloody mess that is inside. The police officer looks and sounds like he is about to puke, but doesn’t. AWESOME SCENE FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE CAMPY DIALOGUE!!
EWWWWWW GROSS!!!! I think I’m gonna puke!!
Pete remembers that Fuad is catering Suzette’s dinner party, so they hurry up to get to Mrs. Fremont’s house. Fuad is at the house, and asks for the “cooperation” of Suzette, to help prepare the feast. Suzette sees that there is no food in the kitchen, and starts to become suspicious. Fuad asks Suzette to lay on the counter to bless the feast, and before he can sacrifice her, Suzette makes sure that he isn’t going to that. Fuad assures her that he would not do such a thing. SURE! While they are both performing the blessing ritual, Fuad slowly brings out his machete. Right before he can do the deed, Mrs. Fremont walks in, and screams. Fuad runs out of the room, and outside, where he runs like there’s no tomorrow. The police are now after him, and they are catching up quickly, as Fuad has a limp. He runs into the town garbage dump, where he jumps into the back of a garbage truck. Right when he thinks that he can escape, the garbage crusher comes down upon him and makes him into one hell of a BLOODY PANCAKE!!
Uh oh, it looks like it’s gonna rain!
Some horrible conversation takes place after the death of Fuad, the police man, and the garbage man. When they are done speaking to one another, it is THE END!!
Along with my typed up review of each movie, I will also post a exclusive video review of each movie I think is special enough to be reviewed.
Possible future video reviews - Faster Pussycat Kill… Kill!!, Toxic Avenger, Blood Feast, and many, many more!!
I’ll have that Blood Feast review up later today!!
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